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Assuming a most natural regal pose, she sat on the brown marble kitchen slab, at the Okon-Umoren’s, adorning a peach lace dress, silver beaded necklace, silver earrings and immaculate makeup. Her lips were done with a professional mixture of lip gloss and lip stick. I suspect she had just reapplied it for it had the appearance of slick baby pink dripping moisturized lips – looking yummy. Her braided hair was packed up in a bunch – she said this was to prevent her from sweating due to the heat. In all pure honesty I wanted her to drip with sweat. I find my woman covered in glistening sweat irresistibly hot. She looked – looks – very gorgeous, perfect in my sight, soft to my touch, subtle to my hearing.

Our church group had continued ‘fellowship after fellowship’ (something we call ‘faf’ in my locality and have graciously coined a continuous verb out of it: fafing! e.g. “you guys should stop fafing and go home”) and were all having a conversation, or I think they were all having a conversation.Men? Or was it cooking? The topic was probably was on our youth’s group, Totally Souled Out (TSO).  I cannot remember much of the discuss that was circulating because my mind was zoned out, reeling in the ecstasy of the thoughts I was having. Whatever the conversation was, I frankly did not care.

I wanted to have sex with my woman, and badly too (there is a word for that feeling, which I find very offensive and not befitting for a man of class). Here I was, sitting on a stool looking at my woman and wanting to have sex. Lest I forget to mention one pertinent fact – I was the one who preached that Sunday! (The message was on ‘How to set your goals from a biblical perspective’. Contact me if you want details of the message). Despite the anointing permeating my skin and sipping into my very destiny I still was having sexual feelings towards my woman, who was innocently unaware of what she was doing – and will only be aware after reading this piece.

Well, for all my juice-seeking readers – abbreviated summary of it all: I shook off the feeling :). Though I did not remember the scripture at that time – you can’t blame me – but I believe if I had the presence of mind to search my heart for a bible scripture then this could have been what kept me, ‘But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at a woman with evil desire for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart’ (Matt 5:28 AMP). Hey, we aren’t married yet – so no legitimacy is recognized by God giving me the license to lust after her.

I have dated my girlfriend for 2 years + now. I am getting married in a few months’ time. Remember what St. Paul said? ‘But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry. It is better to marry than to burn with sexual desire’ (1Cor 7:9 NCV). You might call it a shallow reason but trust me, my sexual desire was one of my penned down reasons for hurrying the marriage – not that I am not ready in mind – but that surely added fuel to the fire. We didn’t have sex during our time as boyfriend girlfriend, we are not about to have sex when the days of it being illegal are almost over.

My friends want to know how I did it especially because I used to be on the ‘other’ side of the sex coin afore-time and should I have been in that era – it would have been our hobby (nah – she assured me she would leave me if I have sex with her before marriage, even if to her consent. I believe her). Guys – I have tried. I have a testimony that I plunged into a relationship vowing, albeit a ‘Jephthah-level’ rash vow (find the story of the Jephthah vow in Judges 11:30-31), not to have sex and now I am about emerging as a victor.

I want to tell you how I have done it – how I did it. I want to share with you how I meandered the slippery inviting rocks of pleasure and how I have barely survived the cold nights, the nights of mini-skirts, and the nights of long wet kisses, the nights of quiet whispers, the night of starless skies, the nights of romantically sexy movies – you know the drill.

A kind note of warning though; I want you to take what I will say with a pinch of salt. I am no Jesus. I am no Paul. I am simply a young man in love who did not have sex with his woman for 2 and half years, whilst living in a sex-crazed world where toothpick is sold with sex. I am simply a young man who whilst having his brain relinquish it’s reasoning duties a lot of times to another member of his body to take over, managed – under God – to keep from sex, albeit barely.

I want to tell you how my woman and I kept perfectly happy without sex, despite the fact that it crept up more times than I am willing to admit. I know what you are going through because I have been there. I know how it is doing you because I have faced the same onslaught and barrage of uncontrolled emotions. There is a saying that stems from the coven of men who have being unable to become victors in this pre-marital struggle and it’s this: once you pop, you can’t stop. I know what that means – and I can relate to the difficulty of stopping.


Under the ever conscious watch of God – I have prevented myself using everything I have at my disposal (almost added cursing myself if I faltered to the list of my arsenal). St. Paul admonished this way ‘Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand’ (Eph 6:13 KJV emp mine). I have done all to stand – and have being happy whilst doing it and now I want to chronicle what I went through and did in steps that can be followed.

I want to tell you how to have a happy pre-marital relationship without sex.


                                                                                                 – Courtesy theyellowsage

P.S: This isn’t all there is a part 2 😉 and yes I’m looking forward to it.  Autumns winds 3 continues tomorrow + my apology letter for keeping quiet since (hope i’ll be forgiven 🙂 )


6 Comments Add yours

  1. Grace says:

    Beautifulll one. Thanks for sharing Mr. Sounds like a great godly family God is starting with you two. I’m truly blessed knowing there are people to share how they made the ‘impossible’ possible. Cheers!


  2. Walt Shakes says:

    ‘perfect in my sight, soft to my touch, subtle to my hearing.’ I love that. Sorta lyrical.
    And its skillful of you, how you’re passing across this already hackneyed message (no sex before marriage) thru an entrancing narration. Nice.


  3. Grace says:

    Very lovely piece…I’m so glad men like you still exist…


  4. Enimien says:

    Lovely piece. Waiting to hear how you did it. We need the manual. Lool


  5. mjady says:

    “Here I was, sitting on a stool looking at my woman and wanting to have sex. Lest I forget to mention one pertinent fact – I was the one who preached that Sunday! (The message was on ‘How to set your goals from a biblical perspective’. Contact me if you want details of the message)”
    Got me LOL! U write interestingly well. I’d enjoy this…I have the feeling.


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